North Korea, Best Korea!
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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