And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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