when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Green mimosas i think yes
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
