am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
