he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
