Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
