She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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