I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
