Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
