It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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