I skipped work to stalk him.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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