Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
