need another drink. this is the easiest way
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
