great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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