I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
plz talk dirty to me
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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