final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
