Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
