Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
