how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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