went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
