At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
