Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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