i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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