Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
