i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
