and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
