Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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