Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
