Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
