Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
