I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
