Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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