Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
