ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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