Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
