Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
