Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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