toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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