i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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