Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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