I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
