She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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