The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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