one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
