I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
