these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
