took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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