...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
