Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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