Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
