Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
