Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
