my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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