I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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