She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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