i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
