The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
