it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
