I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
