he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize