Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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