I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
