Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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