Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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