he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
