You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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