Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize