do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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