wanna go halves on a baby?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
