I forgot how hot balto sounded
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
