just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize