Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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