i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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