I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
