I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
