please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
