First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The feeling are messing with the penis
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
