Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
