I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
