I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize