It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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