mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
