i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
