I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
