This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
