I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
