I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize