Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
