Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
