i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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