i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
