Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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