ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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