I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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