her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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