why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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