i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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