forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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