I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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