can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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