that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Randomize
