alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize