Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
