I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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